There is no right or wrong answer to this question. If you try to answer it from the spiritual point of view, love is one of the strongest feelings you might have in your lifetime. But, at the same time, science gives us a clear picture how many different emotions involve when we fall in love. According to Jim Al-Khalili, a theoretical physicist and science writer: “Love is a powerful neurological condition like hunger or thirst, only more permanent. We talk about love being blind or unconditional, in the sense that we have no control over it. But then, that is not so surprising since love is basically chemistry. While lust is a temporary passionate sexual desire involving the increased release of chemicals such as testosterone and oestrogen, in true love, or attachment and bonding, the brain can release a whole set of chemicals: pheromones, dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin and vasopressin. However, from an evolutionary perspective, love can be viewed as a survival tool – a mechanism we have evolved to promote long-term relationships, mutual defence and parental support of children and to promote feelings of safety and security.”
Biological anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher says that love is comprised of three key components, involving the different (but connected) brain systems:
- Lust — driven by androgens and estrogens; the craving for sexual gratification
- Attraction — driven by high dopamine and norepinephrine levels and low serotonin; romantic or passionate love, characterized by euphoria when things are going well and terrible mood swings when they’re not, focused attention, obsessive thinking, and intense craving for the individual
- Attachment — driven by the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin; the sense of calm, peace, and stability one feels with a long-term partner
Love is messy, complex, sometimes incomprehensible, and difficult to manage. Love can make us happy, it can surprise us, and it can also cause sadness. When love happens, the best approach is to try your best to keep things simple and accept it all.
“When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard’, I’m always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?'”
The world would be a very dull place if we were all the same. But there is one thing that we all have in common. We all need a variety. It is more than just the spice of life; it expands our experience and makes our lives more fulfilling. Unfortunately, many of us are bound to tight, overwhelming schedules that leave little room for novelty or adventure. If this is the case, sometimes all we need in our lives is to alter something in our daily routines that hasn’t been working for a long time.
Step 1. Developing Dynamic Interests.
- Get a new hobby.
- Take a course online.
- Get involved in an organization that you believe in.
- Get active in non traditional ways. Take an adventure trip or a new class
- Do something you’d never dream of doing. Get out of your comfort zone.
- Get off your computer: Read books.
Step 2. Keeping your life busy and exciting.
- Shake up your routine. Wake up and go to bed early.
- Find local events to attend.
- Explore your hometown.
- Accept invitations: socialize!
- Do something spontaneous.
- Organize a party or a night out with your friends.
- Plan a getaway trip.
Step 3. Feeling good about your life.
- Get rid of whatever bores you.
- Clean up the mess.
- Stop focusing on the negatives.
- Only care what you think.
- Change your eating.
- Take time to relax.
- Spend time around happy people.
1. The Law of Attraction.
We are like magnets – like attracts like. You become, and attract what
2. The Law of Cause and Effect.
Treat your partner the way you want to be treated.
3. The Law of Love.
Love means acceptance, honesty, and tenderness, caring, willingness to give, and taking responsibility. It means reliability, selflessness and generosity. The more we give, the more we get in return.
4. The Power of Words.
Be careful what you say. Labels, insults, accusations create the soul wounds that are difficult to heal. They have a permanent effect. Use the power of words for kindness, compliments, approval and support.
5. The Law of Trust.
In a relationship without trust, one person becomes suspicious, anxious and full of fear, and another feels emotionally trapped. Jealousy is the fear of loneliness and low self-esteem. Trust is an essential element of true love.
6. The Law of Honesty.
Talk to each other about your desires, needs and feelings. Let know that you love and appreciate your partner.
7. The Law of Giving.
Love is like a boomerang, it always comes back. And the more you give, the more you will get in return. It may not always be a love from the person to whom you gave it, but it will still come back to you. It is important to remember that we reserve love for the future. We do not lose it when we give it. And the only way to lose love within us – is not to give it to others.
One of the reasons why people rarely experience love is because they are waiting for someone else to love them first. But, it’s similar to a musician who says: “I’m going to play music after people start to dance.” A true love is unconditional, it asks nothing in return. A secret formula of happy relationships is to always pay attention not to what you can take, but what you can give.
8. The Law of Touch.
We “feel each other” through touch. It’s very important to hug and kiss every day. And it’s not about sex only. When we hug our mate, the entire physiology is changing – reducing levels of stress hormones, relaxing the nervous system, improving the immune system and emotional state.
9. The Law of Freedom.
If we love someone, we need to give them their freedom. Freedom to make their own decisions, freedom to live the way they want, not the way we want. Each of us needs our own space. People have to be free in a relationship, because otherwise they feel trapped. If you really love someone, you need to respect this person’s wishes and needs.
It’s not always easy to give freedom to the one you love, but there is no other way. Practical wisdom tells us that the more freedom we give to another, the closer this person becomes to us.
One could probably write an entire book on the topic: “What type of man to avoid.” To this list you can add alcoholics, drug addicts, mama’s boys, gigolos, and irresponsible men, who will leave before you get a chance to know them. Of course, these types can be seen almost immediately: if a man does not know how to have fun without alcohol, doesn’t leave good tips in a restaurant on the first date, or asks you to “join” him for a drink at his house. But, once in a while you meet a man without all of the above symptoms; someone with seemingly good values, a good job, and who has the appearance of behaving like a true gentleman. Unfortunately, there are many women all over the world who have no idea that this particular type of man might actually become their biggest nightmare.
So, what are the signs that you should pay attention to before you get lost in the sticky web of psychological violence that could ruin your life and destroy your self-esteem?
- HE ALWAYS KNOWS WHAT’S BEST FOR YOU. Whether it’s the color of your lipstick, place of work or your religion. At first it looks like you finally got lucky and have met the right man. But, one day you find out that instead of your favorite TV shows you are watching sport games, instead of reading your favorite books, you are struggling through: “How to be a good wife”, and instead of surfing, you are singing in the church choir.
- HE IS TRYING TO CHANGE YOU. If he criticizes your appearance, way of thinking, culinary preferences etc….. You should ask yourself why is he doing this?! You don’t have to have a man in your life to stop smoking, or to start working out. A good sign that a man really likes you is when he accepts you just the way you are.
- HE HINTS OR SUGGESTS THAT BECAUSE YOU’RE A WOMAN, HE EXPECTS YOU TO DO THINGS FOR HIM. Cooking, baking, cleaning, washing, ironing… he expects that you will be at his service 24/7. The truth is every normal man knows if you love him, you will take care of him the best you can, without him forcing you into home slavery.
- HE IS TRYING TO LIMIT YOUR SOCIAL CIRCLE. He may behave inappropriately, so you will never invite him to meet your friends or family. Or, he may heavily criticize your social circle. In any case, there is nothing good that can come from this.
- HE IGNORES OR MAKES FUN OF YOUR DESIRES AND PREFERENCES. This indicates that he is a totally selfish person.
- HE RIDICULES YOUR GOOD VALUES AND ACHIEVEMENTS. Beautiful? Your parent’s accomplishments. Smart? And who told you so? Have a great career? So, it’s because you have influential relatives. Etc…
- HE SAYS: “I THOUGHT YOU WERE DIFFERENT”. This phrase is usually used in response to your complaints and attempts to show some independence.
- “WHO WOULD EVER NEED OR WANT YOU“. I don’t understand why, but it’s very common for women not to leave a man after he has said something like this. This should be a huge alarm for you to run like crazy! Otherwise, you’ll really believe that your destiny is in the hands of a man who does not appreciate you, and who is trying to glorify himself at your expense.
Unfortunately, we still live in a society where women are taught from childhood that men are smarter, stronger, and are the true protectors of women. Just make sure the protective wall that men build around you doesn’t turn out to be a prison cell that prohibits you from living your life to the fullest.